The Not-so-Perfect Perfect MommY
Does love feel heavy, I pondered ….
Oh wait, perplexing maybe? And yeah, that’s just how “My Right Now” feels like.
A happy chaos, lots of loving and idle chatter, some deep thought, and everything else in between…
This takes me back to a note which a dear friend of mine handed over to me during my baby shower ” Niki, don’t be shell-shocked if the baby’s cry isn’t perfect enough” for she knows my OCD…
I was there, belly rounded with life .Yes, I had the iPhone app, the “Welcome Baby” books I had pinned on my Pinterest, the over packed hospital bag with a birthing ball , a month long Lamaze class learnings (phases of labor, pain coping techniques, breathing exercise when am almost at the finish line, lactation consultation so on and so forth) together with my man, birth plan with preferences printed, doula’s number fed on my favourites and last but not the least, a sneak preview of the delivery room . With this I had already mastered the reproductive biology. Only thing left was the Labor glam post all the preparedness: P
Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know, I know… I knew everything…
Then in a blink, he was here. He was tiny and marvelous. He was perfect ?
I am not ready… This is so hard… I KNOW NOTHING!!
With that shift in ground, I decided to find ways through the good heartbreak to fit more love inside me. And there starts my “Recovering Perfectionist” saga… I did myself a favour and cut me some slack!
I decided to listen to the Call. The very call to get on with the career, with the same passion which would let me reconnect with my own self. I also decided to walk beyond this and face the inevitable, ‘The Change’. I soon hopped on from an ever-comforting work environment where I had almost spent 9+ years, to a company with a new ecosystem all together just when my little boy turned 8 months. Putting it lightly, this was my way to put my equilibrium at place and identity at pace. Perhaps, if you ask me if I was doing enough for my little bub, I would say I was moving Heaven and Earth …
There were days when I fumbled upon his food schedule or delayed cleaning the messy-mouthed munchkin due a conference call and few other days when I didn’t think twice while using my superlative right, ‘Dammit’ when I messed up in front of my infant’s ears.
Amidst all the drama, you must have still seen me getting all creative, gathering stuff from every nook and corner of the house and having fun with fabric while transforming my petite sized boy into every interesting character, taking him to socializing events be it CSR, or a family day at work and spending some quality time with him. I truly believe in teaching him young, the rhythm of life!
Some days, our best will even be subpar isn’t it? Other days, our children will make us feel like we have got them the moon. So, take a notice of your guilt and throw it out of your life!
Stop chasing that pot of gold and BE YOU! I bet if you were to do the math, you do far more things well when it comes to mothering than you do otherwise.
Being a mother isn’t the end of anything. It’s the start of everything!
I am trying to give my son, the mother he really needs, that’s ME (with all my imperfections)!!