Hey mom, I love you for what you are
Not for what you do for me
Don’t cook fancy things and wear yourself off
Don’t lose your mind over my studies
I don’t need a lot of classes to grow
I’ll still be a smart child, I know
I have enough to learn from you and dad
so put away that face that becomes way too sad
And there’s one thing I really abhor
that you’re losing yourself for me to grow…
Be the same as you always used to be
because I love you for what you are
Not for what you do for me…
We live in a world where the word mother is idealised, revered and looked up to so extraordinarily that every woman burdens herself with one common dream after giving birth – to be a supermom! She tries to be someone who is par human excellence, can master the art of raising kids as per the best standard practices and still be innovative, doesn’t raise her hand or shout at her kids ever, and is always ready to forget her physical limitations when it comes to entertaining the kids and keeping them well-nourished and happy.
We, women, live with self and society enforced KRAs of working, cooking, driving, teaching, nursing, amusing and entertaining our kids with a perpetual smile on our face. In this process we get so worn out that our our body depletes and we lose our shine. But how wise is it to run after perfection when it is nothing but an illusion? So, let’s stop vying for the supermom tag and be real, be ourselves and accept that it’s okay to not be okay all the time!
So, while the literature on parenting, medical research, child psychologists and others have set a lot of rules on how to mother a child, you can take a break and devise a path that suits you well and doesn’t turn you into a robot on an auto-pilot mode!
Here are some things from my own experience that mothers should be OK about:
It’s OK not to know how to mother a child: You were not born a mother, and nobody has formally trained you to be one! So, it’s ok to make mistakes, or inadvertently hurt a child. Don’t let the mother’s guilt eat away your peace. Do not live with the fear of not parenting your child in the best way possible. In fact, there is no best way. You learn, unlearn, re-learn and repeat this process many a time while raising a kid.
It’s OK to switch on that TV once in a while: Yes, it indeed is! Your child can watch some TV while you take a nap or relax. You always have the right to monitor which are the channels he watches and block others, but it is not necessary to be with him all the time to prevent him from having access to the screen.
It’s OK to serve him ready/instant/junk food at times: While it is imperative to feed nutritious food to your child and stick to a meal plan, it’s OK to order food from outside or give him a cheese slice when you are not up for cooking or don’t have any help around. And this applies for both stay -at- home and working mothers. Your child will be just fine with an occasional pasta or pizza from Domino’s.
It’s OK to ask for help: After all, it’s our time that our kids need, not our services. Asking for help from your spouse or in-laws or even outsourcing a maid doesn’t make us any less of a mother. This is also a great way for your child to bond with grandparents.
It’s OK to be yourself: Your child is a reflection of your personality. It’s unfair to set wrong standards in front of him by compromising yourself every time to be a supermom. A mother does not have to be a child’s shadow. You can give him some space and enjoy your own too. You can be a fitness freak, a singer, a dancer, an artist, a lazy bum and all that you want to be along with being a mother. Just be yourself.
It’s NOT OK to carry a mother’s guilt on your shoulders: Don’t burden yourself with a mother’s guilt of not taking care of your child interminably. He has his journey, and he needs to experience his set of achievements and failures without you keeping a watch or telling him the rights and the wrongs. So, throw that guilt out of the window and just be natural.
A mother’s love is not weighed by the number of hours she spends with her kids or the amount of work she does for them. It is, in fact, irrational to measure it. So, why try becoming a supermom when being a mom itself is an overwhelming experience? After all, mothers do not need adjectives for themselves. They have been naturally constituted to be superlative.
About Us: Parents to our crazy little 5-year-old, we are all time foodies and travel freaks. The genes have trickled down to our son, too and he’s always on a look out for new places and experiences. Back from a holiday, we are now planning another one! : P
With children out of school, physical distancing as the new norm, and children’s rights under threat, the new world order has “turned back the clock” on years of progress made on children’s well-being. However, it’s not all bad. As a human race, we’ve been built to adapt: we’ve seen a tipping point in technology-enabled education and the promise of a new education policy in our country.